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This is a story my 13 year old wrote as an assignment. He was to re-write a common children's story. He asked my wife and me for what would be most terrifying to middle aged types. Consider this a collaboration with him as chief author.

John Vogel 10/19/92

It was a dark and stormy night, the three little pigs had just turned thirty four so I guess you could call them the three middle-aged pigs. It was then their father said"GET OUT OF HERE!!! YOU'RE EATING ME OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME." (Which is what pigs do, but the father was tired of it any way.) So the three middle-aged pigs set out to make their fortunes.

The first middle-aged pig made a house of straw but unfortunately the big bad I.R.S. agent, B.B. Wolfe, formerly of Billem and Run came to his door. "It seems that you have some undeclared income from your garbage collecting," said agent Wolfe.

"But I was fired from that job two weeks ago for eating on the job?" replied the first middle-aged pig.

"Yes, but the crime has already been done. I'll have to confiscate your house and every thing in it," declared Wolfe.

The second middle-aged pig was also visited by agent Wolfe. "You have been claiming excessive dependents. We find thirty dependents hard to believe. Can you produce them?" challenged agent Wolfe.

"Yes I can," he said as he opened the freezer, proudly displaying the thirty packages of bacon. "They're easier to keep this way and freezing is cheaper than college."

"I'm sorry, I'll have to confiscate your house and the evidence," Wolfe said as he licked his lips.

Later that same day the third middle-aged pig received a visit from agent Wolfe. "It seems that you have some undeclared gambling winnings," agent Wolfe said as he looked through the gap in the door.

"So what," said the Reverend Pig, "Do you want the bingo card or not?"

So agent Wolfe huffed and he puffed but he couldn't blow down the separation of church and state.

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