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Debate Parody IIIrd debate in East Lansing, MI Moderator: Governor, how do you respond to charges that you never returned that library book you borrowed during the Cuban missile crisis from the Public Library? (Bush smirks) Clinton: Well Jim, I agree that I was not forthright about it when I should have been. I had honest disagreements with the Library policy but I honor the Librarians who served during that crisis and I love my library. The important thing is that we need change in this great country of ours and I believe I am the man who can bring change. (Applause) Moderator: Mr. Bush? Bush: Well, Mr. & Mrs. America, hold on to your wallets! I have no problem with honest disagreements about Library policies but there's this PATTERN. It was a book almost thirty years. He couldn't remember the incident, then he did but he didn't recall the book, then it turns out it was Mother Goose and thousands of young mothers were deprived from reading to their sick and dying children. Now he says he's sorry. Its this PATTERN! He waffles! Can you trust this man to be your President? (applause) Moderator: Mr. Perot? Perot: Its irrelevant. Look, we've got to get this country back to its people. The dirty tricks department investigated all my library records to dig some dirt out about the books I've been borrowing. They don't know how to run a business. What about the Glaspie papers? Bush: They're in the Library. Yeah its good with 35/35 hindsight when you want to cover your - uh - face but we wanted to get Idi AMin, uh, SaDDam into the family of nations with a dose of family values. I don;t like it when the honor of this nation is questioned! Barbara and I feel strongly about the honor of this nation. (applause) Moderator: President Bush, what do you say about breaking your no-new-taxes promise? Bush: Look, at least I admitted it and I said I was sorry, unlike some on this stage to my right. It was the Congress' fault! The AMerican people don't need any new taxes! There's a story I want to tell you about. I met this Disabled Veteran in Jonesboro, Idaho and he said he had never been prouder of being an American than when I told the American people that I had to raise taxes because the Congress forced me to. There are honest, decent people out there who resent your question and frankly, I think you're being a bit defensive, Jim. Governor Clinton, he waffles! Hold on to your wallet, Mr. & Mrs. AMerica. Wall Street will go swoosh if he gets elected. In 4 weeks from now, uh, make that 2 weeks, you will be asked "Who do you trust? Who has the CHARACTER to be President?" There's a pattern that repeats every four years! You've got to take a position! Come clean! Inhale! (Applause) Perot: I'm spending my own money here, not the money of you good people watching this show tonight. Lets go straight to the center of this. Do we need taxes? Yes! AM I gonna tax you? You bet! (wild applause) Thats because this country is bleeding folks and we've gotta pay for it. There'll be unemployment (wild cheers) higher taxes (applause) a gas tax (more applause). If you don't want it, don't vote for me! (Wild cheers) Vote for those lobbyists in $2000 suits who are helping run the campaigns of these folk here. I love my wife and daughters. They tell me what to do. Where are the Glaspie papers? Moderator: Governor Clinton? Clinton: I believe that we can do what we feel that we can do. The rich have got to pay. We can make America strong again. We have to invest in roads, telecommunications, healthcare. We have to listen to those 209 people in Richmond the other night who wanted to listen to the issues. In Arkansas, we have the highest birthrate in the nation. I know all the people in Arkansas by name. I believe we can do it. My state ranks 3rd in the number of trees per square mile. If we can do it in Arkansas, we can do it in America. (applause) Moderator: That concludes the first round in this debate -- Vasudev Murthy Any opinions expressed are strictly murthy@asl.dl.nec.com my own and have nothing to do with (214) 518-5031 Advanced Switching Lab, NEC America, Inc. 1525 Walnut Hill Lane Irving TX 75038
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