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Things that might have been funny if comedian Steve Wright had said them:


The most popular kids show in France is Beauxault le Clown.

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

Despite decades of market research, markets proliferate and there's no cure
in sight.

I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.

Jesus could've made it up Mount Calvary without assistance if he 
had cross-trained.

You can always get a job in international affairs because 90% of everything 
happens in a foreign country.

I called the census bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a form, and they
said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or 
another.

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet  
off the ground.  

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

A man's body is 70% water.  However, a dolphin's body is 0% water, so 
dolphins have to live in the ocean.

A skunk walked by and my odor eaters went berserk with blood lust.  They 
tripped me, escaped from my loafers, and chased the skunk up
a tree.  My feet were still hot and sweaty, so I bought wind socks.

I listen to the police band on my CB radio.  Once I dialed 911 and
dedicated a crime to my girlfriend.

Eventually, the water hazard will be filled with golfballs.  It will still
be a hazard, though, because you're only allowed to hit your own ball.

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell 
asleep.

No matter how much the passengers eat, the weight of the plane stays the same.

Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?

The museum boasted owning the original version of Beethoven's unfinished 
basement.

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