| RHF Joke Archives | 
Here is a set of samplings from the one-liner file. When processing
submissions, if I see a short joke that is good but doesn't quite merit
a posting of its own, I put it in the one-liner file. I haven't
posted the results for quite some time, so some of these are pretty old.
I have split the file up into 10 chunks of around 300 lines each. Some
newsreaders go crazy and try to "undigestify" this -- beware.
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Organization: Iowa State University, Ames IA
From: cs218a57@cs.iastate.edu (Turbo)
Subject: Men are great
What makes a man think he's so great
-He has a bellybutton that won't work.
-He has tits that won't give milk.
-He has a cock that won't crow.
-He has balls that won't roll.
-He has as ass that won't carry a thing.
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From: hughes@ral.rpi.edu (Declan Hughes)
Subject: Joke
Have you heard about the new Super Sensitive condoms ?,
they hang about after the man leaves and talk to the woman.
This came from the comedienne Elayne Boosler.
Declan Hughes
hughes@ral.rpi.edu
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From: ROsman%ASS%SwRI05@d26vs046a.ccf.swri.edu
Subject: Speak clearly and ...
A quote heard today on the radio (NPR, U.S. National Public Radio) and relayed
by a friend.
Attributed to Neils Bohr:
Don't ever speak more clearly than you think...
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From: ianb@netcom.com (Ian Barkley)
Subject: Strange Definitions
Deja Vu: The feeling you've heard a joke before.
Deja Vu: The feeling you've heard a joke before.
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From: wozny@spot.colorado.edu (Christopher Wozny)
Subject: Bush's legacy from Reagan
I realized this morning why Reagan and Bush were such a good combination.
We called Reagan the Teflon President. Given the way Bush continually
changes his mind on the issues based on current political pressures,
he must be the Waffle President.
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From: denelsbe@cs.unc.edu (Kevin Denelsbeck)
Subject: Philosophical contracting
Q: Who do you hire to build an ivory tower?
A: Deconstruction workers.
---------
Kev @ UNC (came up with the joke)
Pete @ UNC (explained the joke to Kev @ UNC)
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From: mhg@dugong.cc.uq.oz.au (Miles H Gillham)
Subject: Cinderella
Heard from a friend while commuting...
Q. Why is Cinderella such a bad soccer player?
A. She keeps running away from the ball!
Q. Why is Cinderella such a bad tennis player?
A. Her coach is a pumpkin!
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From: TMAEHL@vax1.umkc.edu
Subject: Wayne's World Programming Guide, original
Wayne's World C Programming Style Guide:
A == B; !;
("A equals B. Not!")
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From: jonesm@cerf.net (Matthew Jones)
Subject: You know your really somebody ...
This is an origonal as far as I know.
"You know your really somebody in the software world when Richard Stallman
complains about you having a gratuitous patent."
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Subject: Auto repair scandals
From: stevo@elroy.jpl.nasa.gov (Steve Groom)
A short letter to the editor published in the Saturday, June 20 1992
edition of the Los Angeles Times:
I didn't get burned on my last auto repair bill.
I got Seared.
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From: Adam.Frix@cmhgate.fidonet.org (Adam Frix)
Subject: Ah, parenthood
Phil, on Murphy Brown, philosophizing about having children:
"Teenagers--God's punishment for enjoying sex."
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From: parmet@cs.cornell.edu (Marc Parmet)
Subject: Country-Western song?
From the Larry King show:
A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be
Out of Jail by Now.
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Organization: Eastern's Public Access BBS, Toronto CAN
From: brent-b@eastern.com (Brent McNamee)
I saw this on a local BBS (Toronto, Ontario) today:
HEADLINE! EXTRA EXTRA!!!
------------------------
ENERGIZER BUNNY ARRESTED!!
Police charge him with battery!!
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From: CORSON.BERTON@west-la.va.gov
Author: Unknown
Submitted by: Berton Corson 5280397@mcimail.com
Diner: Waiter! There's a footprint in my breakfast.
Waiter: Well, I don't see what the problem is. You
ordered an omelet and told me to step on it!
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From: rvanders@bonnie.ics.uci.edu
Subject: Pearl Harbor
I heard this from an old high school teacher of mine:
BOY: You want to play Pearl Harbor?
GIRL: OK. How do you play?
BOY: I'll lie down and be Pearl Harbor, and you come along and blow
the hell out of me.
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Organization: California State University, Sacramento
From: arthurc@sfsuvax1.sfsu.edu (Arthur Chandler)
Subject: W Allen gem
Here's a nice one from Woody Allen (don't know the exact source):
Mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter
hopelessness,
the other to extinction. Let us pray we choose correctly.
-- Woody Allen
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From: elr%trintex (Unix Guru-in-Training)
Subject: California Socializing
From the currently running off-Broadway play "I-Land":
Q: Why do Californians have car accidents?
A: So they can meet their neighbors.
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From: cazabon@hercules.cs.uregina.ca (Chuck Cazabon--Film Maker=)
Subject: Computer Text Humour (I'm a Canuck)
Heard (or rather, seen) on a local BBS signoff message...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
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Subject: Bush and Quayle...
From: willcr@ivy.isc.com (Will Crowder)
Seen on a bumper sticker:
BUSH AND QUAYLE
JUST SAY NOE!
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From: rempel@skdad.usask.ca
Subject: ethernet & income statement
Q: What do you get when you cross an ethernet with an income statement?
A: A local area networth.
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From: fadden@uts.amdahl.com (Andy McFadden)
Subject: Meow
Ever notice that "cat the output to 'time'" makes more sense if you read it
backwards?
- Andy
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From: jdevlin%pollux.usc.edu@usc.edu (Joseph T. Devlin)
Subject: True, radio
The morning djs on KROQ 106.7 in Los Angeles have written
a country tune which they call "I Hate Every Bone in Your
Body Except Mine."
- Joe
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Subject: Perot Pullout
From: IRVINMJ@wsuvm1.csc.wsu.edu (Michael J. Irvin, WSU, 509/335-0437)
Subject: Perot Pullout
Source: Overheard at a Rotary Club meeting.
Now that Perot has withdrawn from the presidential race, he's being called
The Yellow Ross of Texas.
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From: hausner@qucis.queensu.ca (Alejo Hausner)
Subject: Olympia and York, Reichmanns, Canary Wharf
I heard this on the "Royal Canadian Air Farce":
Olympia and York, known as O & Y, or "Oy vey".
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From: frechett@spot.Colorado.EDU
Subject: Semi Religious Joke
This was seen on a Bumper Sticker
Pass the Word. Eat a Bible.
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From: alailima@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (The WILD Samoan)
Subject: New bumper sticker idea
Inspired by Brown's "Take Back America".
I'd like to see this on somebody's bumper:
TAKE AMERICA BACK!
We want a refund!
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From: ag3l+@andrew.cmu.edu (Arun K. Gupta)
Subject: Regarding meetings...
`Committee' was the spelling decided upon by the first komiti.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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