| RHF Joke Archives | 
Here is a set of samplings from the one-liner file. When processing
submissions, if I see a short joke that is good but doesn't quite merit
a posting of its own, I put it in the one-liner file. I haven't
posted the results for quite some time, so some of these are pretty old.
I have split the file up into 10 chunks of around 300 lines each. Some
newsreaders go crazy and try to "undigestify" this -- beware.
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From: PJB4288@ritvax.isc.rit.edu (HELLION WHEELS)
Subject: A Star Trek joke
What do you get when you cross a Klingon with a politician?
Someone in Washington who might actually get something done!
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From: m90rjw@ecs.oxford.ac.uk
Subject: Joke Submission
Heard this one from a mate recently:
Q) What's green and takes ten minutes to drink?
A) A Grant Cheque
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From: hickernell@nwaces.enet.dec.com (Dave Hickernell, DTN 264-2031, MKO1-2/H13 26-Sep-1991 1423)
Subject: PC horny
OK, guys, we're no longer horny.
The Politically Correct term is "vaginally challenged".
[courtesy of my brother-in-law, Ron Howland]
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From: shihsun@phoenix.princeton.edu (S. Spencer Sun)
Subject: another fortune cookie thing
California, n.:
From Latin "calor", meaning "heat" (as in English "calorie" or
Spanish "caliente"); and "fornia'" for "sexual intercourse" or
"fornication." Hence: Tierra de California, "the land of hot sex."
-- Ed Moran
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From: brighton@phuket.UUCP (Bill Carson)
Subject: "Banned Books" week
[ it is original - just thought of it. ]
Exercise your First and Second Amendment Rights at the same time -
Shoot the book burners.
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From: gisle@ifi.uio.no (Gisle Hannemyr)
Subject: Yugoslavian ceasefire
Yugoslavian ceasefire [noun]:
Unit of time, roughly equal to the time it take to reload a gun.
Source: "Ny Tid" (Norwegian Weekly).
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From: bi299aq@sdcc6.ucsd.edu (Phyllis Pugh)
Subject: Irish Perverts (may be offensive ...)
As told to me by my favorite Irish priest:
Q: What do you call an Irish pervert?
A: An Irishman who prefers sex to whiskey.
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From: molly@rolf.stat.uga.edu
Subject: joke
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Take ordinary water and boil the HELL out of it.
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From: fsmarc@tristero.lerc.nasa.gov (Marc Cooper)
Subject: Freudian slip
(So far as I know, this is original..)
Psychotherapy- A long, drawn out process consisting of subtle probings of the
human mind, whereby women are blamed for all of Freud's shortcomings.
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From: dbw@crash.cts.com (David B. Whiteman)
Subject: Judge Thomas Joke
Original joke, bt I am sure someone else will come up with a similar punchline.
While watching the Senate hearings on TV I realized all that the Senate is
trying to do is figure out whether 42 year old Judge Clarence Thomas
is over the Hill.
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From: das@voodoo.boeing.com (Deb Schwartz)
Subject: Good Advertising
Seen on the side of an electrician's truck: "Let Us Remove Your Shorts".
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From: garyk@hpldslx2.sid.hp.com (Gary Koerzendorfer)
Subject: I'm sure they laughed when they wrote this -
Headline in the Oct. 15 edition of the Wall Street Journal:
"Restaurants Beef Up Vegetarian Menus"
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From: gisle@ifi.uio.no (Gisle Hannemyr)
Subject: Hypotetical movie poster.
OS/2 -- The Nightmare Continues
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From: kaaren@satyr.sylvan.com (Kaaren Bock)
Subject: road, Marin
Why did the Marin County woman cross the road?
She was channelling a chicken.
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From: hobson@header.enet.dec.com (Hobson's Choice 30-Oct-1991 1525)
Subject: Try a dark cow, uh ....
Two farm boys are just sitting day dreaming when a cow strolls by. "Man,"
says the first boy, "if only that was a woman."
"Man," says the second boy, "if only it was dark out."
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Organization: The Law Society of Upper Canada
From: dave@lsuc.on.ca (David Sherman)
Subject: M as in...
Every so often I find myself giving out a business address
over the phone that includes the postal code M5H 2N6.
I'm always tempted to say:
"M as in Mormon... N as in nary"
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From: apucorle%idbsu.bitnet@utcs.utoronto.ca
Subject: Dentist
A guru went to the dentist and said,
"I'd like to transcend dental medication."
- Dr. Dean Edell
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From: catbyte.b11.ingr.com!medin@watmath (Dave Medin)
Subject: One liners
The recent post brought this to mind, from the backstage men's room
at the Seattle Opera House:
Q: How tall is a union stagehand
A: Don't know. I've never seen one standing up...
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From: neidorff@makore.uicc.com (Bob Neidorff)
Subject: New Light Bulb Joke?
I don't know if this is new, but I think it is.
How many home owners does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes two weekends and four trips to the hardware store.
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From: jp56+@andrew.cmu.edu (Jody R. Prival)
Subject: cool math limerick
I got this from a friend...
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^1/2)) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 +0
Or for those who have trouble with the poem:
A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
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From: sameer@uunet.UUCPsameer
Subject: shampoo
this is not original....
I've always wondered why people use sham poo when the real
thing is easily available.....
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Organization: Novell Corp., Walnut Creek, CA.
From: bdelvecc@wc.novell.com (Brian Del Vecchio)
> From: cichlid@portia.stanford.edu (David Neiman)
> Subject: Haiku (from dt@yenta.alb.nm.us)
> "Twice five syllables
> Plus seven can't say much but
> That's Haiku for you.
Here's my Haiku from a few years back:
haiku's inventor
must have had seven fingers
on his middle hand
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Organization: York University
From: yorkvm1.bitnet!MMORSE@watmath
Subject: Re: More from the one liner file (5/11)
This one was Groucho Marx's favourite:
"Mommy, mommy! The garbage man is here!"
"Well, tell him we don't want any!"
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From: gringort@pa.dec.com (Joel Gringorten)
Subject: another for the 1 liner file?
What do they call a woman without an asshole?
Divorced.
(told to me by a woman, of course.)
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From: dg-rtp.dg.com!eliot@watmath (Topher Eliot)
Subject: memory
My mind is like an old-fashioned bear trap:
rusty, dangerous, hasn't caught a thing in years.
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Organization: Martin Bormann's Cranial Splints
From: saul.cis.upenn.edu!mjd@watmath (Just Another Pain in the Ass)
Subject: My dog
I've trained my dog to salivate whenever Pavlov comes over for tea.
Nihil tam absurde dici potest, quod non dicatur ab aliquo philosophorum.
Mark-Jason Dominus mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu
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From: hobson@header.enet.dec.com (Hobson's Choice 10-Nov-1991 1223)
Subject: Buckl, Ted
Seen on a sign in Florida, outside the prison:
"Buckle up, Ted, it's the Law."
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From: A.Raman@massey.ac.nz (Anand)
Subject: A complete story
My sister told me this one a long time ago.
In a literature class, the students were given an assignment to write
a short story involving all the important ingredients - Nobility, Emotion,
Sex, Religion and Mystery. One student allegedly handed in the following
story:
"My god!" cried the duchess. "I'm pregnant. Who did it?"
- anand
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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