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While picking up some financial aid forms at one of the Universities here in
the Twin Cities, I came across a pamphet discussing different loan programs,
which also included advertisements for different banks in the area.  One of
the much more humorous ones was one for Twin City Federal, which was titled
"Get a Degree without the Third Degree", followed by a bogus student loan
application which looks something like this:
 
                               1st HUMONGOUS BANK
                            Student Loan Application
 
Name (if any) ______________________________________
                Middle         Last        First
Address ____________________________________________
 
Last 34 address ____________________________________
 
Sex:   Male   Female   Not Sure
 
Are you an illegal alien?   Ja   Si   Oui   Da
 
Annual income $ _____________________________________________________________
          (if over $3,000, where did you get the nerve to beg us for a loan?)
 
Astrological sign _____________________ (Stop here if you're a Leo or Taurus)
 
Grandmother's maiden name ________ Her World War II service record? _________
 
Last book you read:
             The Joy of Saxaphone   Mad   Manhattan telephone directory
 
Your favorite number from 17 to 39: _______        (this will be the interest
on your loan, if you're lucky enough to get one from us)
 
Are you now on the FBI's "Ten Most Wanted" list?   Yes   No
 
In 7,000 words or more, discuss the International Monetary Fund and its
ramifications related to the Chicago White Sox infield and Victorian matters
___________________________________________________________________
                        (use back side, if needed)
 
If you miss a payment on your loan, what is your preferred method of torture?
           The Rack   Iron Maiden   A night with Lawrence Welk *
 
Do you like to fill our forms?
                 (We have more when you complete this one)   Yes   Goodbye
 
Do you secretly like your father's Oldsmobile?   Yes   Maybe a little
 
Do you sleep in   Pajamas?   Underwear?   Nude?
 
State your college major. (Must be one of these to qualify for student loan)
     Swine diseases   Harpsichord tuning   History of chewing gum
 
Do you still believe in
        Santa Claus?   Easter Bunny?   Professional wrestling?
 
Are you willing to be polygraphed, scrutinized, notarized, and steroid tested
to obtain a loan from us?                         Absolutely   Positively
             You betcha   Of course   Certainly   Sure   No problem
 
If all of the above is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,
sign here in the presence of 12 witnesses (preferrably Supreme Court Justices
and Nobel Prize winners)
 
________________________________________________   _________________________
Signature                                          Date
 
--------------------------------
 
* Quite horrible, considering he's dead

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