| RHF Joke Archives | 
Since it's THAT time of year, I thought people might need a copy of this
year's tax form (this is the short form). Just fill it out and send it in.
Some of the following is original, the rest has been gathered from various
sources over the years.
Note: it's a full 80 characters wide and may be displayed with extra blank
lines by some notes/news readers. If so, it'll look better printed.
Brett Carver
brett@hpnmd.sr.hp.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
f 11 000 4 000 Department of the Treasury - 11 999 999 11
o 111 0 0 44 0 0 Internal Revenue Service 111 9 9 9 9 111
r 1 0 0 44444 0 0 U U SSS 1 9999 9999 1
m 1 0 0 4 0 0 U U SSS Individual Income 1 9 9 1
11111 000 4 000 UUU SSS Tax Return 11111 999 999 11111
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the year January 1 - December 31, 1992 or whenever you get around to it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
please| FULL NAME | LAST NAME | SECOND TO LAST INITIAL | Starch | []cuffs
print,| | | | []yes []no | []nocuffs
type |-------------------------------------------------------------------------
or use| Present address of addressee (must be filled out by addressor or legal
hyro- | guardian of aforementioned (unless greater than line B above))
glyph-|
ics |-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(no | City, Town, Post Office, Shoe Size | Address greater than line 41? []yes
Latin)| | If yes, why? ________________ []no
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Height | Weight | Sex []yes | Occu- Yours _________ | Social Security Number
| | []no | pation Spouse _________ | Yours _|_|_ Spouse _|_|_
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Do you wish to designate []yes | Isn't | NOTE: if you
Presidential >> $1 of your taxes to this []no | this a | checked yes
Election >>> worthy cause? []maybe | dumb law? | we will come
Campaign >> What about the little lady? []metoo | []yes | and steal all
> The kids, dog, cat, fish? []woof | []no | your hubcaps.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Requested > A. How many talking chickens do you own? | D yes? []no
by >> B. Names _______________________________ | E no? []yes
the >>> C. Do any of them play the oboe? []yes []no | F maybe? []perhaps
Department >>>>----------------------------------------------------------------
of >>> Do you live within 2 miles | Have you rotated | If no file IRS
Agriculture >> of a decent pizza place? | your tires lately? | tire rotation
> []yes []no []extra cheese | []yes []no []flat | Schedule L
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Filing 1 [] Single 2 [] Double 3 [] Triple 4 [] Sacrifice Fly | for IRS use
Status 5 [] Married Filing Singly Joint return | O | | X
(even if spouse is married separately) | ---|---|---
6 [] Joint married singly separate spouse | | X |
(but filing double jointed) | ---|---|---
7 [] Head of Household filing separate but joint return | X | O | O
(if unmarried but jointly single) |-------------
8 [] Head of joint filing single file spouses separately
9 [] Widow(er) with separate dependent filing out of joint return singly
10 [] Deceased filing posthumous return
(attach notarized Death Schedule D, signed by deceased)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exem- 41 a regular? | Enter number of
ptions b [] yourself [] 65 or over [] blind [] dead | boxes checked > ___
[] spouse [] 65 or over [] blind [] dead |
c Names of Dependent children who lived with | Check number of
You you __________________ Why? _______________ | boxes entered > ___
are d Just first names dummy. |
here 4 Do you weigh more than last year's tax form? | Enter number of
| e Number of parakeets subtracted from Gross | checkered boxes ___
| Rotated Income (plus line 27 - unless greater |
\|/ than twelve miles) | Do nothing
v f How many inches in a liter? _____ | Here > ___
* 11 a Total Confusion
(add lines 6e and f,g; fold in eggs, beat until firm) --------> ---
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Income 12 Wages, Salaries, Tips, Extortion. (attach W2 forms to |##| | |
your forehead with heavy duty staplegun) . . . . . . . . |12|_____|_|
13 Remunerations (if less than gross reimbursements then |##| | |
Please file schedule Q (see page 14 of "Joy of Cooking")) . . . |13|_____|_|
attach 14 Gross influx (see 40% of instructions) . . . . . . . . . |14|_____|_|
payment 15 Money you made (if $400 or less, more or less, list |##| | |
(small schedule B without not filling in Part II and R2, but |##| | |
unmarked more than line 8). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |15|_____|_|
bills) 16 What about all that cash you stashed in that jar under |##| | |
here. the garage? (see page 7 of instructions) . . . . . . . . |16|_____|_|
| ---------------------------------------------------------------------
|___ 17 Add lines 12 through 16, multiply by 2, |##| | |
this is your total income. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |17|_____|_|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Taxes 18 Enter Grossly adjusted net average income (line 17). . . |18|_____|_|
19 Enter Total deductions (if greater than 0, enter 0). . . |19|_____|_|
20 Subtract line 19 from line 18. Taxable income. . . . . . |20|_____|_|
21 Figure Total Taxes using line 20 . . . . . . . . . . . . |##| | |
[] Tax Table [] Tax Rate Schedule X, Y, or Z [] Guessed. |21|_____|_|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Payment 23 Federal income tax withheld . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |23|_____|_|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amount 25 If line 23 is larger that 21, you made a mistake, |##| | |
You re-figure your taxes. |##| | |
Owe 26 Subtract line 23 from line 21. . . . . . . . . . . . . . |26|_____|_|
27 Add the shirt off your back. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |27|_____|_|
28 Send it in . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |28|_____|_|
29 Pick a number between 1 and 10 . . . . . . . . . . . . . |29|_____|_|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please > Under penalty of death, I declare that every figure on this return and
Sign >> accompanying schedules is correct to within 100% plus or minus some.
Here > Signature ___________________________ date ___________ check here []
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
| RHF Joke Archives |