| RHF Joke Archives | 
[original, funny (I hope), offensive to nerds, power users
and radio hams...]
(with apologies to Cosmopolitan, Byte, and the ARRL it's...)
The Power User's Guide to Power Users, Part II: The Quiz
Are YOU a Power User?
1: Your ideal holiday is:
a. Alone on South Sandwich Island, with a radio, antenna,
and lots of beer.
b. Just you and your Amex Gold Card at any Silicon Valley
computer conference.
c. Anywhere at all, as long as you can take along your PC.
2: Your ideal spouse:
a. Someone who owns controlling stock in Yaesu, Icom,
and Kenwood, and doesn't mind being alone while you're
away on a "DX-pedition".
b. Owns controlling stock in Borland, Microsoft, Lotus, IBM,
and Novell, and buys you software upgrades on your
wedding anniversary.
c. "What? Er, you mean, like, a woman?"
3: Your favourite food is:
a. "Food? Who cares about food? JY1 is on 20 metres
right now, calling 'CQ DX'!"
b. "Just a minute, I've got the recipe right here on my
database.... Now, how do I run dBase again?"
c. Anything with caffeine in it, for those overnight
debugging sessions.
4: Your favourite book is:
a. Anything published by the American Relay Relay League.
b. Anything with the words "Power User" in the title.
c. Anything at all, as long as it's on floppy disk.
5: What is a GUI?
a. "VP8GUI? Yeah, he's that guy on South Sandwich Island
who sends Morse Code with his left foot!"
b. "Just a minute, I've got the recipe right here on my
database.... Now, how do I run dBase again?"
c. "A crutch for Power Users who can't handle the DOS command line!"
6: Two Jehovah's Witnesses arrive at your doorstep: do you
a. Scream at the top of your voice "you dragged
me out of a QSO with JY1 for THIS?!??!"
b. Invite them in to show them your new Borlosoft
MicroNavigator [tm] package, and offer to optimise
their path through your neighborhood.
c. Ask them for the number of their BBS.
7: What kind of answering machine do you have?
a. You don't have a phone - anyone who wants to
talk to you calls "CQ DX from South Sandwich Island".
b. "This is a voice response system. If you want to
speak to me, press 1; if you want to speak to my wife,
press 2; if you want to speak to ten-year-old Jimmy, press 3..."
c. A V32 modem with auto-answer.
8: At the supermarket, the checkout-person is having
trouble scanning your box of cornflakes. Do you:
a. Run out of the supermarket without your groceries.
(You just heard on your scanner that the 6 metre
band has just opened up to Europe.)
b. Pull out your cellular phone, call IBM Tech Support...
c. Hah! What do checkout chicks know about technology? You
scanned everything while she was packing the previous
customer's groceries.
9: What is your greatest programming achievement?
a. Making your PC conduct Morse Code contacts with
57 'rare' countries, without human intervention!
b. Getting a macro published in "DBMS" magazine
that sorts a column of numbers.
c. "When GEnie went down that time, they blamed it
on the San Francisco earthquake, but I know
it was my worm! [evil cackle]"
10: Which of these statements is most likely to pass
your lips?
a. "JY1 UR 59, 73! QRZ?"
b. "Jennifer, call IBM Tech Support, would you?
I'm getting a 'write protect error' thing on
my CD-ROM drive."
c. "Yeah, a '486 with 16Mb, 1.44 3.5 and 1.2 5.25, VGA,
WORM drive, and a V.37 M7F at 14400bps! Hacker's heaven!"
SCORING:
If you answered...
Mostly 'a': You must be a Radio Ham. Your spouse will divorce
you, but you will be too wrapped up in a 20 metre
band CW contest to notice.
Mostly 'b': You are a Power User. Your spouse will leave you
for a Power Lawyer, who will hit you with a
"Look 'n' Feel" lawsuit, but you won't know what
it is you should have been looking at and feeling.
Mostly 'c': You are a Computer Nerd. Spouse? Are you kidding?
Either way, looks like you'll end up alone. Sobering thought,
isn't it?
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
| RHF Joke Archives |