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  I composed this myself, but it is, of course, based on Edgar Allen
Poe's "The Raven".
  Background - I'm a student computer consultant at my university, and
one of the shifts that I work is called "Help"; HELP is the userid of an
account on our mainframe, used by the student consultants, so that users
can contact the consultants over the mainframe.

The Ravenous Mac

Once upon a midnight dreary,
Working help shift, weak and weary,
From without, and with a query
Came a user through the door.

"My disk just crashed." Her eyes all bleary,
I thought out loud, "now this is eerie,
You're the third, this evening dreary
with a dead disk; think there's more?"

In the Mac I placed her disk,
Called up Tools, and then DiskFix.
Could I save without much risk?
Quoth the Mac screen: "Nevermore."

Frantic in my quest to help her
I asked which files upon it were.
"My thesis, and a game, I'm sure,"
Was her answer, nothing more.

What demon-beast has so contrived
To make these Mac disks so short-lived?
I put the disk back in the drive;
Quoth the Mac screen: "Nevermore."

"Very well, if it must be!"
I screamed; the user looked at me.
Could her file be e'er retrieved?
Quoth the Mac screen: "Nevermore."

"Oh hated Mac, O vile machine!
I wash my hands of thee; they're clean!"
A grin appeared upon the screen;
Said it, taunting: "Nevermore!"

"O heinous Mac, I do despise you!
Make her file and disk just like new,
Or I'll take and then release you
From atop the highest floor!"

The Mac then paused, and thought a while.
Upon the sceen appeared the file!
Gone was that annoying smile;
Quoth it, vanquished, "Well, once more."

Her thesis saved, she turned to go,
"There's just one thing I'd like to know:
Your name," I asked, and then, real slow
She smiled and said, "My name's Lenore."

And so, upon this midnight dreary,
I'm still on help shift, much too weary.
In spite of this, I'm truly cheery:
The Mac's in pieces on the floor.


                       -ACK!
                          Arne C. Knudson
                          st101608@brownvm (bitnet)
                          Arne_Knudson@brown.edu (internet)

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