| RHF Joke Archives | 
Here are more snippets from the one liner file. While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file. Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group. (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles.
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)
These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.
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Subject: How's That Again?
From: daugher@cs.tamu.edu (Walter C. Daugherity)
Cognitive dissonance: A "Save the Rainforests" bumper sticker on a
Mitsubishi.
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From: rune.johansen@forskning.teledir.no (Rune Henning Johansen)
Subject: Mating.
From "Genetic Algorithms" by David E. Goldberg:
... people do not attempt to mate with cats, and frogs do not
attempt to mate with scientist (although the latter possibility
might result in a researcher who jumps to conclusions).
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From: SCOTH%WMVM1.bitnet@vm.tcs.tulane.edu (Scott Hammer)
Subject: National Hot Dog Month
I though of this as I was listening to NPR this morning:
Apparently, July is National Hot Dog Month. If this is true, I imagine
there must also be National Hot Dog Awards. I can just imagine this.
Someone opens an envelope, looks at the contents and says: "And the
Wiener is . . . Oscar Mayer!"
-Scott Hammer
College of William and Mary
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Organization: Spam Detection & Removal Squad, Austin, TX
From: bryan@cs.utexas.edu (Bryan Bayerdorffer @ Wit's End)
Subject: Devilish one-liner
If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
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From: SHEERAN@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Subject: volkswagon, rabbit, original
Anyone who has ever raised rabbits will appreciate the humor/dilemma implied:
Q. how many rabbits does it take to fill a Volkswagon?
A. two.
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Organization: Megatek Corporation, San Diego, California
From: barto@megatek.UUCP (David Barto)
Subject: Marketing Hope
From a Marketing type:
Don't give me any technical reason why something can't be done.
If you really believed in the product you'd make it work.
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From: hoosiers@u.washington.edu (Mary Loveless)
Subject: My mother's favorite recipe
Any others to add to this one?
Honeymoon salad: lettuce alone, with no dressing
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From: libros@maxwell.physics.purdue.edu (Library Staff)
Subject: Pampers and Window Washing Fluid
Have you ever noticed that diapers can soak up a gallon of blue window
washing liquid but can't absorb one leak by a 6 month old girl? And
besides, how many times does a baby get wiper fluid down its pants?
--Ixabibble
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Organization: Phillip's Philosophy Shop, Nashville TN
From: sophist@brainiac.raidernet.com (Phillip McReynolds)
Subject: Curses! Broiled again!
A source is a source, of course of course,
Unless, of course, the source is a curse;
And if, of course, the source is a curse,
Then a termcap entry's required.
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From: sauder@aplcen.apl.jhu.edu (EY Sauder clyde jeffr)
Subject: motorcycle one-liner
Did you hear they've created a new cereal for Harley Davidson owners?
It's called Nut & Bitch.
Jeff Sauder sauder@aplcen.apl.jhu.edu
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From: poole@emx.utexas.edu (Steve Poole)
Subject: Imagine that
Rita Rudner says she wasn't popular as a child. She only had
two friends.
They were both imaginary.
They played with each other.
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From: EIVERSO@cms.cc.wayne.edu (Eric Iverson)
Subject: By and large
By and large, I'm glad I'm not bi and large!
--Eric
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From: creiman@ncsa.uiuc.edu (Charlie Reiman)
Subject: Japanese Humor
I read this in the Chicago Tribune in an article about American-Japanese
relations. They reported that this joke is floating around Japan:
"America: A nice place to own, but I wouldn't want to live there."
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From: deej@cadence.com (Jim Howard)
Subject: Pit bull joke
Source: "Kayla's mom".
Q: What has four legs an an arm?
A: A VERY happy pit bull!
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From: john@iastate.edu
Subject: Sniglet
Original (as far as I know).
Evangelonging (e'van ja long ing),
The practice of (tel-)evangelists to emphasize a word by
stretching out the middle. (i.e., Ga-aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh-d)
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From: eliot@dg-rtp.dg.com (Topher Eliot)
Subject: searching for a husband
I got this from an article in my local paper on the shortage of eligible males.
The quoted someone in Alaska as saying that up there, for a woman who wants
to get married "the odds are good, but the goods are odd".
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Organization: 3M Health Information Systems, Wallingford, CT
From: palmer@hsi86.hsi.com (Mike Palmer)
Subject: Michael Landon
Just heard on the radio:
Michael Landon has just signed to do a new show for CBS.
"Little Box on the Prairie"
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From: elrod@ocf.berkeley.edu (Edward L. Rodriguez)
Subject: Harvard men
The following was a favorite saying of a former boss, who went to Harvard
for graduate school:
"You can always tell a Harvard Man...but you can't tell him much."
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From: warwick@cs.uq.oz.au
Subject: Scanner For Sale
For Sale:
Hand scanner - only used twice.
(original)
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From: andersj@jacobs.cs.orst.edu (Jim Anderson)
Subject: politically correct recycling (original)
From a corporate memo in the not too distant future...
All recycling bins designated for Colored Paper will be plainly
labelled for "Paper of Color"
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From: miller@sctc.com (Steven M. Miller)
Subject: 3 dead chickens?
What do you call 3 dead chickens and a tractor that won't start?
The South Dakota state fair.
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From: merlyn@iwarp.intel.com (Randal L. Schwartz)
Subject: something goofy
Line dropped from an early script of a popular Disney flick:
"Didn't there used to be more than eight of us, Hungry?"
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From: ericco@ssl.berkeley.edu (Eric C. Olson)
Subject: french trains
From a friend quoting a french language book:
"French trains are possibly the finest in the world.
But they are not prefect -- we must share them with
the French."
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From: mikej@vangogh.isc.shearson.com (Mike Johnston - (212)528-6023)
Subject: Computer toolkit
My personal computer "toolkit" consists of 1 hammer and 1 rubber. My motto,
"If you can't fix it, fuck it!"
MJ
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Organization: Sun Microsystems
From: larry@skookum.canada.sun.com (Larry Phillips [Sun Vancouver FSE])
Subject: Rap songs
"Every time you hear a half decent rap song, some black guy starts talking over top of it."
-larry
"MsDos is to computing as Etch-A-Sketch is to art."
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From: jwest@bbn.com (Jayne West)
Subject: One Liner: Dyslexic Rabbi
Q: What do you do for a choking dyslexic rabbi?
A: You perform the L'chaim Maneuver.
Original; I wrote it myself on 8/2/91 at approximately 10:30 PM in
Cambridge.
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From: Kanef@charon.arc.nasa.gov (Bob Kanefsky)
Subject: riddled with bugs
[I think this is original, unless someone else has already thought of
it. By the way, my other submission (of 8/1/91) is original; I didn't
realize I was supposed to mark it as such until I got the auto reply,
since I don't subscribe. --Kanef]
Q: What's the main difference between what biologists call a "bug"
and what computer programmers call a "bug"?
A: Biological bugs reproduce very easily.
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From: coar@nephi.enet.dec.com (Plenty mushrooms around here.. 06-Aug-1991 0831)
Subject: It's not that `it's a small world' that's the problem..
Windows are all the rage these days. It's just as I've always claimed:
the world just keeps getting more and more X-centric.
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Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
From: ajayshah@alhena.usc.edu (Ajay Shah)
Subject: Topical joke, from Dave Letterman's show
q: What was John Sununu's least offensive ethics violation?
a: He used to make Dan Quayle wash his car.
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From: markman@aristotle.ils.nwu.edu (Art Markman)
Subject: Greeting Card I'd like to see.
For someone turning 50:
They say that if something bothers you, you should think of it in
a new way.
So don't think of it as 50 years...
Think of it as 5/7 of the normal human lifespan.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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