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Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Read the man page!

Q: How many Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb was fine you just forgot to turn the switch on.

Q: Is there a UNIX FORTRAN optimizer?
A: Yeah, "rm *.f"

Q: Is there a proper procedure for asking the Support staff questions?
A: Questions will not be answered by the Support staff unless the
proper procedure is used.

Q: How do I send electronic mail?
A: I'm busy now, please send me e-mail.

Q: Why do Support staff email messages always end in quotes no one
understands?
A: "The way is void" --Musashi

Q: Is there some documentation for the "tn3270" command?
A: It's here with a description of emacs vi-mode.

[The last one loosely based on a joke told at the first X conference]

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