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        NEW YORK CITY (UPI) -- Just days after the release of her "hiss and
tell" biography of Nancy Reagan, Kitty Kelley has released another book,
this time an autobiography titled "Remembrance of Things Crass: The
Unauthorized Autobiography of Kitty Kelley."  Copies obtained by UPI show
that the book will be uncompromising.
        In a press conference promoting the book, Kelley indicated that
she spent many months intensively investigating her subject.  "She is an
extremely difficult woman to track down," said Kelley.  "More often than
not, her phone was busy."  Indeed, noted Kelley, an interview with Kelley
proved impossible.  Instead, Kelley massed data about her subject by
conducting intensive face-to-face interviews with people closely associated with
Kelley, most of whom refused to allow their names to be revealed.
        Kelley insists that she is not afraid of reprisals from her subject.
"In fact," she stated, "I have received threatening phone calls, but I just
shrug them off."
        Revelations from "The Unauthorized Autobiography" include:
        - That Kelley's books were all ghostwritten: "In fact, samples
of Kelley's own writing suggest that she would need a dictionary just to
write a shopping list."
        - That Kelley cheated her publisher (coincidentally, the publisher
of this autobiography) out of hundreds of thousands of dollars by inflating
budgets and forging advance checks.
        - That Kelley has brutally murdered more than twenty children.
        - That Kelley frequently cross-posts to inappropriate newsgroups
during flamewars.
        Kelley was unavailable for comment about these allegations.

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