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Saddam Hussein's Top Ten Conditions for Quitting Kuwait

10) Syria must give control of Lebanon back to Lebanon, which must in turn give control back to Phoenicia.

9) The US must sell Alaska back to Russia and the Louisiana Purchase back to France.

8) Saudi Arabia must pay for all the Scuds that were fired at it to liberate Palestine.

7) The Pope must convert to Islam (or at least Baathism).

6) All Israeli Jews must tread water in the Mediterranean Sea for 40 years.

5) Spain must give back much of its land to the Moors.

4) Kuwait must reimburse Iraq for the costs of transporting Iraqi troops into Kuwait and Kuwaiti goods into Iraq.

3) The Kurds must repay Iraq's expenses incurred while dropping poison gas on them.

2) King Fahd and Presidents Mubarak and Assad must have a mud wrestling match, with only the last man remaining in the ring being spared from execution.

And his most important condition:

1) George Bush must apologize to the UN General Assembly in drag.

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