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AND NOW, DUE TO UNPOPULAR DEMAND...
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LENNOX:   Good-morrow, noble sir.

MACBETH:  Mornin' all, have a good kip?

MACDUFF:  Is the king stirring, worthy thane?

MACBETH:  Nope, he got a bit piddly last night.

MACDUFF:  He did command me to call timely on him; I have almost slipped
          the hour.

MACBETH:  Cripes, well I'm not waking up the king; he'll have my head
          lopped off!

MACDUFF:  I know this is a joyful trouble to you; But yet 'tis one.

MACBETH:  Yeah well.... someone's gotta wake up the old git. This is the door.
          I'll go and put the kettle on.

MACDUFF:  I'll make to bold to call, For 'tis my limited service. [HE GOES IN]

LENNOX:   Goes the king hence to-day?

MACBETH:  Yeah, that's what it says in his appointment diary.

LENNOX:   The night has been unruly: where we lay,
          our chimneys were blown down, and as they say,
          Lamentings heard i'th'air, strange screams of death,
          And prophesying with accents terrible
          Of dire combustion and confused events
          New hatched to th'woeful time. The obscure bird
          Clamoured the livelong night: some say, the earth
          Was feverous and did shake.

MACBETH:  Yeah, I was pissed too.

LENNOX:   My young remembrance cannot parallel a fellow to it.

[MACDUFF RETURNS]

MACDUFF:  O horror! horror! horror! Tongue, nor heart,
          Cannot conceive nor name thee!

MACBETH, LENNOX: What's the matter?

MACDUFF:  Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!
          Most sacrilegious murder hath broke ope
          The Lord's anointed temple, and stole thence
          The life o'th' building.

MACBETH:  Come again?

LENNOX:   Mean you his majesty?

MACDUFF:  Approach the chamber, and destroy your sight
          With a new Gorgon: do not bid me speak;
          See, and then speak yourselves.

MACBETH:  Oh shit...  And we only just had the carpet steam-cleaned.

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WELCOME  BACK. AND NOW WE CROSS LIVE TO SCOTLAND, WHERE JONATHON DIMBLEBY IS ON
THE SCENE,  WAITING  TO  FILL US IN ON THE LATEST DEVELOPMENTS ON THE MURDER OF
THE KING.

JONATHON: Thank you Richard. I have with me here  a  nobleman  of  Scotland, in
          fact  the  man  who  found  the  murdered  king. Mr Macduff, what has
          happened here?

MACDUFF:  Murder and treason! Look on death itself! up, up and see
          The great doom's image!
          As from your graves rise up, and walk like sprites,
          To countenance this horror!

JONATHON: I see. Well, also here is Mr Lennox, another nobleman of Scotland.

LENNOX:   Aghast I stood as I surveyed the scene
          Of the horror of this day.
          Though the murderer is not found,
          Mayhaps he is closer than we think.

JONATHON: And finally, Mr Macbeth. Any comment to make?

MACBETH:  Yes Jonathon. Although it does look at first glance that the king has
          been brutally murdered, I have inspected the situation, and  it looks
          very much to me as if the rats got him.

JONATHON: Rats?

MACBETH:  Yes  Jonathon, rats.  After all, we must remember that  this  is  the
          middle ages, and that beubonic plague is commonplace.

JONATHON: Yes, well, on that note, back to the studio.

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by: Daniel Bowen, vac122g@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au
from: Toxic Custard Workshop Files, Number 21
*BLATANT PLUG*: To subscribe, mail vac122g@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au
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