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Dear Friends,

 There are many people, who, for no fault of their own, are
forced to write in COBOL. Whereas some of us work out 2 plus 2
by saying "PRINT 2+2" or something equally laconic (indeed the
older ones amongst us can actually do such calculations in our
heads), COBOL sufferers have to say "ADD 2 TO 2 GIVING THE
ANSWER, PLEASE, NICE MR COMPUTER, AND SEND ME A MEMO ABOUT IT IN
TIME FOR THE BOARD MEETING"

 So what can we do for these people? One answer is therapy. Here
is a typical case study of a sufferer locked away in solitary
confinement with nothing but IBM manuals to keep him company.

Day 1: Subject persistently screaming for Oxford English
Dictionary (20-odd volumes). Gnawed three of his toes off when
this request denied.

Day 2: Subject very subdued, and starts compiling his own
dictionary from bits of bed linen and stale soup.

Day 3: Subject befriends a wasp in the cell, and starts asking it
to add two and two.

Day 4: First breakthrough. Subject reads IBM manual.

Day 5: Subject complains that his bed needs emergency
engineering.

Day 6: Subject tears up his dictionary and starts listing abend
codes.

Day 7: Success. Subject says "ICH 9000I Good morning" when his
warder brings him a bowl of porridge.

 ... as you can see, there is some way to go before a complete
cure can be guaranteed.

 Meanwhile send lots of money to me. This is nothing to do with
the campaign, I just want some money.

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