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This was forwarded by a co-worker, who also happens to be my SO (he
wrote it, in case it's not clear).  I think it's great, but your
mileage may vary...

---
By: Cliff Winnig <win2@tank.uchicago.edu>

I was just reading through volume IICX of NeXTbyte when I came across this
product announcement.  Thought y'all might have missed it, so I decided to
retype it entirely and send it:

**********************Introducing . . . the NiCE Machine*********************

At first glance, the NiCE machine looks very unlike other computers--it is a
box, 18 inches on a side, that comes painted to look like a solved Rubik's 
cube, thus giving the new owner a sense of accomplishment just for having
removed it from the packaging.  It comes with all kinds of bells and whistles,
and several orchestral instruments as well.

The built-in CD player and wet bar is an optional feature that really improves
the user environment.  An internal 330 Keg harddrive keeps the wet bar well-
stocked.  The CD library includes the complete works of Frank Zappa and
features a search function that can locate real and imaginary songs in a matter
of nanohours.

The chic-looking monitor, modem, laserwriter, and built-in microwave oven make
it the perfect conversation piece.  The mahogany flat top of the laserwriter
can be used for stacking papers, houseplants, or as a convenient place to dis-
play your lava lamp.

But the NiCE machine has more than just good looks and style, it has great 
software as well.  With WriteMom, all your personal correspondence is handled
without your having to even open your mail.  Just insert the unopened envelope
in the mail port in the back and it reads it, recycles it, and answers it with
far more grace and style than the best word processors.  You can even insert
bills, and it will send a polite note explaining why you cannot pay them now.
[Note:  this feature does not work with statements from NiCE, Inc.]


The $creen$aver program allows the NiCE to balance your checkbook, pay your
phone bill, and cheat on your taxes convincingly whenever the monitor is turned
off.

And if that weren't enough, the NiCE is more than user-friendly.  In fact, it's
user-supportive.  Where else could you find a machine that will listen to your
troubles for 10 hours and then buy you a beer?

So remember, when you're thinking about buying a new computer, . . .

			Have a NiCE Day

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