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This is a paradoy ad that appeared in the Chicago Reader. The
Reader is Chicago's underground paper.
{ed Actually this is syndicated and should not go out.}


		AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PUBLIC

	Hi there,

	On March 24, in the wee hours of the morning, mistakes
were made in the waters of Prince Willaim Sound, way up someplace
in Alaska. By now you all know that our tanker, the Hexxon Valdez,
was hit by a treacherous submerged reef that made us lose 240,00
barrles of vaulable oil into the uncooperative waters of the Sound.

	We could sue that reef if we wanted to, but that's not
Hexxon's style. Instead we are keeping our fingers crossed that 
this whole thing will blow over in a matter of weeks. Sure, there
will be disgusting pictures of filthy birds, fish and other
unsavory wildlife. But I hope that you know Hexxon has already 
commited several hundred people to hose off those stubbord otters
that still happen to be alive.

	Finally, and most importantly, I want you to believe how
sorry I am that this incindent has occured. We cannot, of course,
undo what has been done. Only God can do that, and He caused the
whole damn thing in the first place. But I can assure you that 
since March 24, this little "in in the drink" problem has been
receiving our full attention, and and will continue to do so 
until youu forget about the whole thing. 

	Thanks for your continued support. We couldn't do it
without you.


					Keep on pumpin'
					L.G. Crawl
					Chairman

	P.S. To those of you who suggested that we Hexxon
executives should be forced to go to Alaska and scrub those
oily rocks ourselves, not returning until the job is done, 
no matter how long it takes, we simpply say this: YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND. WE ARE RICH AND POWERFUL BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS.

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