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With all the brouhaha over drug testing i was reminded of my favorite (true! cross my heart!) urine sample story. I did my undergraduate work at a place where students are better known for brains than good sense but this one takes the cake. A friend who lived down the hall went to student health for a checkup and they asked for -among other things- the standard urine sample. "Just put it in this envelope," instructed the nurse. Now, this did seem a little odd to the befuddled student but, gee, he'd never given a urine sample before and it WAS a rather large, thick, official-looking and apparently water-proof envelope. Entering the men's room, he failed to notice the plastic bottles that -once filled- were supposed to go in the aforementioned envelope and so began carefully to fill the envelope with urine (making sure to leave a prudent space at the top to guard against sloshing). He was appreciative that the long axis of the envelope's opening lessened what might otherwise be strong constraints on the necessary accuracy of fluid flow trajectories but was at a loss when it came to deciding how to seal the filled envelope. To lick the adhesive seemed like courting disaster so after a couple of tentative attempts he settled for a toilet-moistened finger. A few careful squeezes allowed the student to assure himself that the sample would not leak and so he zipped his fly and got ready to leave. The nurse, already concerned at the length of time the guy was spending in the men's room was, needless to say, flabbergasted when he emerged gingerly balancing the urine-filled envelope. He realized something was seriously amiss when the nurse began to sputter and grimace wordlessly. "Here's the sample" he said, delicately setting the waterlogged artifact on her desk. "This is the right envelope, isn't it?" At the next student house elections we elected him by acclamation to the newly created office of House Urinal (in Perpetuity). -- -rc colgrove
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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