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 From the Harvard Lampoon 1988 Program Parody, distributed at The Game
between Harvard and Yale

          _Today's Game: Harvard vs. Yale_
...
Harvard:
...
Quarterback:
    Sophomore Dave Strewzinski...likes to pass.  And pass he does,
with a record 86 attempts (three completions) in 87 plays....  Though
Strewzinksi has so far failed to score any points for the Crimson, his
jackrabbit speed has made him the least sacked quarterback in the Ivy league.

Wide Receiver:
    The other directional signal in Harvard's offensive machine is senior
Phil Yip, who is very fast.  Yip is so fast that he has set a record for
being fast.  Expect to see Yip elude all pursuers and make it into the
endzone five or six times, his average for a game.  Yip, nicknamed
"fumblefingers" and "you asshole" by his teammates, hopes to carry the
ball with him at least one of those times.
...
Yale:
...
Defense:
    On the defensive side, Yale boasts the stingiest line in the Ivies.
Primarily responsible are seniors Izzy "Shylock" Bloomberg and Myron
Finklestein, the tightest ends in recent Eli history.  Also contributing
to the powerful defense is junior tackle Angus MacWhirter, a Scotsman
who rounds out the offensive ethnic joke.  Look for these three to
shut down the opening coin toss.

------------- End of excerpt from Harvard Lampoon ------------------
Subscriptions $15/year to 
       The Harvard Lampoon, 44 Bow Street, Cambridge, Mass.  02138
 Respectfully submitted,
              -- David Chesler (david@prism.tmc.com, mirror!david)

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