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Below is a *warranty card* from McDonnell Douglas that a friend gave to me. It should be printed out on two pages, so I put '(form feed)' in where a CTRL-L should go. Enjoy! :-)
Mike Temkin Cal. State U. Northridge, School of Engineering and Computer Science
[Ed: Reported, by Dale Clark, to be from the Dec 1988 National Lampoon.]
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AIRCRAFT--SPACE SYSTEMS--MISSILES
IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT!
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Mjr. _Gen. _Comrade _Other
First Name ______________________ Initial _____ Last Name _____________________
Latitude _________________________________ Longitude __________________________
Altitude _____________________ Password, Code Name, Etc. ______________________
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
_F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-19A Stealth
3. Date of purchase: Month _______________ Day ______________ Year ____________
4. Serial Number ______________________________________________________________
5. Please check where this product 6. Please check how you became aware was purchased: of the McDonnell Douglas product _Received as Gift/Aid Package you have just purchased: _Catalog Showroom _Heard Loud Noise; Looked Up _Sleazy Arms Broker _Store Display _Mail Order _Espionage _Discount Store _Recommended by Friend/Relative _(Classified Information) _Political Lobbying by Manufacturer (form feed)
7. Please check the three (3) factors Clerical _ _ which most influenced your purchase Mercenary _ _ of this McDonnell Douglas Product: Tyrant _ _ _Style/Appearance Middle Management _ _ _Kickback/Bribe Eccentric Billionaire _ _ _Recommended by Salesperson Defense Minister/General _ _ _Speed/Maneuverablilty Retired _ _ _Comfort/Convenience Student _ _ _McDonnell Douglas Reputation _Advanced Weapons Systems _Price/Value 13. To help us understand our _Back-Room Politics customers' lifesytles, please _Other indicate the interests and activities in which you or your spouse enjoy participating on a 8. Please check the location(s) where regular basis: this product will be used: _Golf _North America _Europe _Boating/Sailing _Central/South America _Middle East _Sabotage _Aircraft Carrier _Africa _Running/Jogging _Misc. Third-World _Europe _Asia/Far East _Propaganda Countries _Destablization/Overthrow _(Top Secret) _Other _Defaulting on Loans _Gardening _Crafts 9. Please check the products that you _Black Market/Smuggling currently own, or intend to purchase _Collectibles/Collections in the near future: Intend _Watching Sports on TV Product Own to Purchase _Wines Color TV _ _ _Interrogation/Torture VCR _ _ _Household Pets ICBM _ _ _Crushing Rebellions Killer Satellite _ _ _Espionage/Reconnaissance CD Player _ _ _Fashion Clothing Air-to-Air Missles _ _ _Border Disputes Space Shuttle _ _ _Mutually Assured Destruction Home Computer _ _ Nuclear Weapon _ _
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply. _Communist/Socialist _Dictatorship Thanks for taking the time to _Terrorist _Corrupt fill out this questionnaire. Your _Crazed (Islamic) (Latin American) answers will be used in market _Crazed (Other) _Corrupt (Other) studies that will help McDonnell _Neutral _Primitive/Tribal Douglas serve you better in the _Democratic future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell governments, extremist groups, Douglas product? and mysterious consortiums. _Cash _Personal Check _Suitcases of Cocaine _Credit Card Comments or suggestions about our _Oil Revenues _Ransom Money fighter planes? Please write to: _Deficit Spending _Traveler's Check McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Divison 12. Occupation You Your Spouse P.O. Box 800 Homemaker _ _ St. Louis, MO 55500 Sales/Marketing _ _ Revolutionary _ _
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