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[ Reportedly from a 1974 issue of the National Lampoon ]

Winston Churchill has had a number of witty quips attributed to him, but
the fact is that in some cases what he said and what he is supposed to
have said are quite different.  Here are some examples of what WC really
uttered:

1. Winston Churchill was getting a bit tipsy at a hoity-toity social
dinner when the aging hostess, Lady Something-Hyphenated, said, "Winston,
you're drunk!"  To which Churchill replied, "I may be drunk, but you
are ugly, so fuck you."

2. At a similar function, the aging hostess remarked, "Winston, if you
were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee."  To which the big
man replied, "Suck my dick."

3. Then there was the time at the Potsdam Conference when President Truman
barged into Churchill's room demanding to see him immediately.  WC's
valet protested that the Prime Minister was in the bath.  "I don't care,"
Truman retorted, "get him out here!"  So Churchill burst into the room,
dripping wet and stark naked, and intoned, "What are you staring at, homo?"


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ROBERT ROBERDS                                      DOHC@TUCCVM.BITNET

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