| RHF Joke Archives | 
Draft Dodger Rag by Phil Ochs [annotated for Danforth Quayle] Oh I am just a typical American boy [with a filthy rich grandpa] from a typical American town [where my daddy runs the newspaper] I believe in God and Senator Dodd and keeping old Castro down. [not to mention Daniel Ortega] And when it came my time to serve I knew better dead than red, [or is it better red than dead?] but when I got to my old draft board, buddy this is what I said. [for I was already in the Nat'l Guard] Sarge I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen [my father made a few calls] and I always carry a purse; I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat [friends made some more calls] and my asthma's getting worse. Yes think of my career and my sweetheart dear [America needs more lawyers!] and my poor old invalid aunt; besides I ain't no fool I'm going to school [Even as a teenager I loved the and I'm working in a defense plant. military-industrial complex] I got a dislocated disk & a racked up back [My daddy made me carry the I'm allergic to flowers and bugs; entire circulation one day] when the bombshell hits I get epileptic fits and I'm addicted to a thousand drugs. [the Dukakis campaign knows I got the weakness woes I can't touch my toes I smoked pot in law school] I can hardly reach my knees; and if the enemy came close to me [I've always been allergic I'd probably start to sneeze. to slanteye communists] I hate Chou Enlai and I hope he dies, [now I love Deng Xioping] but one thing you gotta see: that someone's gotta go over there [why can't the poor go fight?] and that someone isn't me. [you bet-- my daddy's rich] So I wish you well, Sarge give 'em hell, kill me a thousand or so; [torture a few Nicaraguans too] if you ever get a war without blood and gore I'll be the first to go. [that's why I support SDI!]
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
| RHF Joke Archives |