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I found this on a BBS.  The original poster claims to have found it in
an honest-to-goodness software manual.
  Marsh Gosnell

Bloodthirsty License Agreement
------------------------------

This is where the bloodthirsty license agreement is supposed to go,
explaining that Interactive Easyflow is a copyrighted package licensed
for use by a single person, and sternly warning you not to pirate
copies of it and explaining, in detail, the gory consequences if you
do.

We know that you are an honest person, and are not going to go around
pirating copies of Interactive Easyflow; this is just as well with us
since we worked hard to perfect it and selling copies of it is our only
method of making anything out of all the hard work.

If, on the other hand, you are one of those few people who do go around
pirating copies of software you probably aren't going to pay much
attention to a license agreement, bloodthirsty or not.  Just keep your
doors locked and look out for the HavenTree attack shark.

Honest Disclaimer
-----------------

We don't claim Interactive Easyflow is good for anything -- if you
think it is, great, but it's up to you to decide.  If Interactive
Easyflow doesn't work: tough.  If you lose a million because
Interactive Easyflow messes up, it's you that's out the million, not
us.  If you don't like this disclaimer: tough.  We reserve the right to
do the absolute minimum provided by law, up to and including nothing.

This is basically the same disclaimer that comes with all software
packages, but ours is in plain English and theirs is in legalese.

We didn't really want to include any disclaimer at all, but our lawyers
insisted.  We tried to ignore them but they threatened us with the
attack shark (see license agreement above) at which point we relented.

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