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  ACTIVITY           CALORIES BURNED         ACTIVITY            CALORIES BURNE 

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REMOVING CLOTHES:                        ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE: 
 With partner's consent..........12       Shoes flew off...................35 
 Without partner's consent......187       Expression didn't change.........1/2 
                                           Orchestra swelled.................6 
UNHOOKING BRA:                            Birds sang 
 Using two calm hands.............7        Large birds......................7 
 Using one trembling hand........36        Small birds......................3 
                                          Earth moved......................30 

 Lifting partner.................15      PULLING OUT: 
 Dragging partner along floor....16       After orgasm......................1/2 
 Using skateboard.................3       A few moments before orgasm......500 

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:                     PENIS ENVY: 
 For normal healthy man...........2.5     For woman..........................3 
 Losing erection.................14       For men...........................72 
 Searching for it...............115 
                                         GUILT: 
PUTTING ON CONDOM:                       Despite no formal training,orgasm 
 With erection....................1.5     comes easily,naturally............53 
 Without erection...............300       You're enjoying sex,despite the 
                                          fact that other people are 
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:                      starving...........................2 
 If the woman who does it is              Sex on your lunch hour.............3 
 Experienced.....................6        Putting it on expense account....20 
 Inexperienced..................73 
 If a man does it...............680      AGGRAVATION: 
 Add (5) calories for retreiving it       Partner keeps showing plants.......5 
 from accross the room.                   Partner insists on cuddling the dog 
                                          during foreplay...................14 

POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:       Partner just visited bathroom for 
 Italian- Man on top,woman in             7th time..........................10 
 kitchen.........................26       Partner is taking phone calls......7 
 Russian- Woman on bottom,                Partner is making phone calls.....40 
 Man getting permission..........55 
 American- Both on top...........60      GETTING CAUGHT: 
                                          By partner's spouse...............60 
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE:     By your spouse...................100 
 Bouncing.........................7       Trying to explain.................55 
 Sliding around...................9       Trying to remain calm............100 
 Serious skidding................12       Leaping out of bed................75 
 Whiplash........................27       Getting dressed in one motion....500 
                                          Thanking partner quickly...........2 
ORGASM: 
 Real............................27 
 Faked..........................160 

Jerry S. Ghanooni 

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