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With him here I thought I'd toss in a topical story. It tells better orally because it needs a fractured Italian accent, I'll do my best written (I didn't do well with the French, probably not this).

The Pope is very ill and a doctor was called in to examine him. He reported to the Cardinal that His Holiness was gravely ill and he would have to get the test results before he would know whether or not there was a treatment. When he returned he told the Cardinal that his report had to go directly to the Pope, he went in... [ "Fatta" sounds like "fodda" ]

HF Hello doctor, I'ma sick, eh?

DR Si Holy Fatta, you'sa real sick.

HF I'ma gon die doctor?

DR Si Holy Fatta, ifa you no do what I say you gon die.

HF What I gotta do doctor?

DR You gotta have some sex Holy Fatta.

HF I canna hava no sex doctor, I'ma de Pope!

DR Holy Fatta, you no hava no sex, you gon die...

HF Hmmmm, I gotta talka to God about this, you wait here.

After a few minutes the Pope returns from the chapel.

HF I talka to God bout you doctor, He say you pretty good doctor.

DR Thanks Holy Fatta, what about the sex?

HF He'sa tella me four things doctor First, she gotta be blind so she'sa no see I'ma de Pope.

DR Uh huh

HF Second, she gotta be mute so she'sa no tella nobody I'ma de Pope

DR Uh huh

HF Third, she gotta be deaf so she'sa no heara I'ma da Pope

DR Uh huh

HF Fourth, she gotta hava BIGGA TITS!

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