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                       COMPUTER BIBLE 

        (C) Yuri Nesterenko (http://yun.complife.ru) 
       translation to English by Alexander Panasyuk. 

01. In the beginning there was the Word, and Word had two 
    Bytes and there was nothing else. 

02. And God divided the ones from the zeros and saw that it 
    was good. 

03. And God said, Let there be data: and there were data. 

04. And God said, Let data be gathered together into each 
    own place and he created floppies, hard drives and CD- 
    ROMs. 

05. And God said, Let there be computers so there was a 
    place to put hard drives, floppies and CD-ROMs.  And God 
    created computers and called them  "hardware" and 
    divided "hardware" from "software." 

06. But there were no software yet so Lord God corrected 
    himself and created programs big and small and blessed 
    them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill all 
    memory. 

07. And God got tired from writing programs and said, Let us 
    make programmer in our image, after our likeness: and 
    let him to have dominion over computers and programs and 
    data.  So God created a programmer and put him into his 
    Computing Facility to live and work there.  And LORD God 
    brought programmer to the Directory Tree and commanded 
    him, saying, From every directory thou mayest run 
    programs.  But from the WINDOWS directory thou shalt not 
    run programs at all: for MUST DIE. 

08. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the 
    programmer should be alone; I will make him a help meet 
    for him.  And the LORD God took one of programmer's 
    bones which had no brains and created a CUSTOMER; and 
    brought him unto programmer: and programmer called 
    customer a USER. And they were both sitting under pure 
    DOS, and were not ashamed. 

09. Now the Bill was more subtle than any beast of the 
    field. And he said unto the user, Yea, hath God said, Ye 
    shall not run programs from every directory? And the 
    user said, We may run programs from every directory, but 
    of the WINDOWS directory, God hath said, Ye shall not 
    run programs from it, for MUST DIE. And Bill said to 
    user, Let us argue a taste of oyster with those who ate 
    them! In the day ye run WINDOWS, then ye shall be as 
    gods, for with one click of mouse ye create whatever you 
    want. And when the user saw that WINDOWS was pleasant to 
    the eyes, and a program to be desired for it makes any 
    knowledge unnecessary, and installed it on his computer; 
    and said also unto programmer that it was cool; and 
    programmer installed it too. 

0A. And programmer went to look for new drivers, and he 
    heard the voice of the LORD God, asking, Where art thou? 
    And programmer said, Looking for new drivers, for there 
    are no drivers under pure DOS.  And the LORD God said, 
    who told thee that thou needth drivers? Hast thou run 
    programs from WINDOWS directory? And programmer said, 
    The user whom thou gavest to be with me, he told me that 
    from now on he wants programs only from WINDOWS 
    directory; and I installed them. And the LORD God said 
    unto the user,  What is this that thou hast done? And 
    the user said, The Bill beguiled me, and I did run 
    WINDOWS. 

OB. And the LORD God said unto the Bill, Because thou hast 
    done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above 
    every beast of the field; and I will put enmity between 
    thee and the programmer; for he will curse you and thou 
    will sell WINDOWS to him. 
     
OC. Unto the user he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow 
    and barren thy wallet; and thou will use buggy programs; 
    and thou will not survive without the programmer, and he 
    shall rule over thee. 
     
0D. And unto programmer he said, Because thou hast hearkened 
    unto the voice of the user, cursed are computers for thy 
    sake; bugs and viruses will they bring to thou; in 
    sorrow shalt thou fight them all the days of thy life; 
    in the sweat of thy face shalt thou debug thy code. 

0E. Therefore the LORD God sent them forth from his Computer 
    Facility; and he set password on entry. 

0F. General protection fault. 

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