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This is from a recent Andersen alum (layed off). "I expected to have some extra time on my hands so I began writing a screenplay for the whole Enron/Andersen situation ...
I have Tom Cruise slotted for the DOJ attorney and Jack Nicholson slotted to play David Duncan ... check out this pivotal scene ... do you think Hollywood might be interested?"
INTERIOR: Securities and Exchange Commission Hearing Room.
DOJ Attorney (Cruise) standing in well of courtroom, Andersen Auditor David Duncan (Nicholson) is seated in the witness box. DOJ Attorney approaches witness box...
Tom Cruise: "Did you order the shredding?"
Jack Nicholson: "You want answers?"
Tom Cruise: "I think I'm entitled."
Jack Nicholson: "You want answers!"
Tom Cruise: "I want the truth!"
Jack Nicholson:
"You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has financial statements. And those financial statements have to be audited by men with calculators. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Department of Justice?
I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Enron and you curse Andersen. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Enron's death, while tragic, probably saved investors. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves investors. You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that audit. You need me on that audit!
We use words like materiality, risk-based, special purpose entity. . . We use these words as the backbone to a life spent auditing something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very assurance I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a pencil and work on an audit. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!!"
Tom Cruise: "Did you order the shredding?"
Jack Nicholson: "You're damn right I did!"
FADE TO BLACK.
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