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A friend of mine posted this to a mailing list recently, and I received his permission to forward it (anonymously) to the world:
I am a gentle employee bunny.
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1) I am a gentle bunny. I will listen carefully before I speak. In so doing I might get some faint clues from my manager as to who is going to get screwed next, and so take steps to make sure I am not in the penumbra of blame when it happens.
2) I am a gentle bunny. I will think before I speak. I will make very sure I don't violate my employer's non-disclosures or talk about the stock during blackout periods. Nor will I reveal what I know about management's little hobbies. I will remember that my employer is not a gentle bunny, but is part wolf, part rat, and part Emperor Palpitine; and his lawyers are even worse.
3) I am a gentle bunny. I will remember that when I speak I can hurt others. Will what I say cause others pain? Will they take it out on me in my next review?
4) I am a gentle bunny. Can I change the way I say something to avoid hurting another yet still say it? I will strive to remember that in these situations, precise factual accuracy must give way to the survival instinct; it's a lot more important not to tick them off.
5) I am a gentle bunny. The things I love are not loved by all. I will not force the things I love onto others. Not even if it is honesty, decency, and fiducial responsibility, and the people lacking these things are thereby risking jail time.
6) I am a gentle bunny. If I wish to show others the things that I love I will check with those present in case they do not wish to be involved. This is especially true when I am comtemplating whistleblowing.
7) I am a gentle bunny. I will accept any gift freely given, yet I will never ask for a free gift. The last time I did, I was fired, and I learned from that.
8) I am a gentle bunny. I will remember that though I may not love something, that does not mean another may not love it. Everyone has their own take on these things, and just because I don't like fraud, doesn't mean the CEO isn't into it bigtime.
9) I am a gentle bunny. I will listen and think on everything a person says, not just the parts I wish to fight with or the parts with which I already agree. If I find that everything presented is utter fantasy and absurdity, I will still carefully consider that this is, after all, my employer, and that in fantasy one may sometimes find humor, especially in schedules.
10) I am a gentle bunny. What I believe in is important to me. I will remember that what others believe in is important to them. And if they believe that lying to the employees is important, then I will remember that "gentle" is not the same as "gullible."
11) I am a gentle bunny. Another person may hold dear to their heart a view that contradicts mine. This does not mean that their view or mine is wrong for each may be the right choice for each of us. After all, there are no ethics in my workplace, so how can there be right and wrong choices?
12) I am a gentle bunny. I will remember that words hurt worse and longer than blows. I will remember that this is occasionally useful, and is frequently the only response which is both legal and rational.
13) I am a gentle bunny. If someone speaks to hurt me, have I given them cause? Is there something I have said or done that has caused them pain? Probably not; they probably weren't doing it intentionally, and simply wounded me in blithe, unconcerned self-interest. They are, after all, management.
14) I am a gentle bunny. If I find myself wanting to hurt someone to make my point, I will look at what I am saying to see what is lacking in my view that I must harm another that they might agree? And if what is lacking is a modicum of intelligence in the other party, I will nonetheless remember that punching out the mentally enfeebled is neither gentle nor legal.
15) I am a gentle bunny. My rules are for myself. I should not expect others to obey them. My rules work for me, others find other rules work for them. And if their rule happens to be "devour the helpless," I will remember that hiding in my hidyhole until they are done thinning the herd is both gentle and wise.
16) I am a gentle bunny. I will remember that what I imply with what I say is more often heard than what I actually say. I will be careful about what I imply. Especially after those women in middle management got the vapors over a faintly pointed, humorous public email I wrote, and started throwing around terms like "sexual harassment."
17) I am a gentle bunny. I will remember that every time I attack a person I hurt others who are close to them who I never meant to hurt. And these people are often even further up the management chain.
18) I am a gentle bunny. When a person stands against the world for what they love, then what they love has value. I will not belittle what they love nor seek to destroy it. The right to lie, cheat and steal is, after all, a genetic imperative in many, and who am I to oppose an evolutionary calling?
19) I am a gentle bunny. If a person comes to me in anger I will listen to all they have to say and think about it. I will think about how I would feel if what happened to them had happened to me. I will not return hatred for hatred, nor anger for anger, because then they will make sure what happened to them what happens to me, too.
20) I am a gentle bunny. Their are times in every bunny's life when they are no longer gentle. I will remember this in others and watch for it in me. Most especially I will watch for it in my coworkers, and I will choose my vacation time accordingly.
21) I am a gentle bunny. When the world grows too harsh I can retreat to my hidey hole to heal for a time. That's why they give us cubicles and internet access.
22) I am a gentle bunny. Even though I love to be touched I will remember that others may not. I will be certain I have anothers consent before I touch them. And I will remember that they are unlikely to say yes, especially when they can see the hammer in my hand.
23) I am a gentle bunny. Hatred hurts me yet I will not cause pain to another in return. Hatred hurts others so I will not hate. I may seethe, sputter, and write irritated emails, but it's not worth my hate.
24) I am a gentle bunny. The world holds more possibilities than I have ever imagined. While I am out of my hideyhole I will seek to see what is new in the world. To see the worth in everything I find. I know I struggle to find worth in much of what I see, but those people are pulling down high salaries, so they must be doing something right.
25) I am a gentle bunny. I will remember that a person confronted in public must defend themselves regardless of how right or wrong they were. A person spoken with in private will give me their true feelings on what I have to say. But I will remember that there are no witnesses in such situations, and if I thought they were vehemently defensive in public, what I can expect in the privacy of my manager's office will be infinitely less nice.
26) I am a gentle bunny. I will give from my heart, giving for the joy of seeing the pleasure others gain from my gift. And if they don't understand the gift, I will try to remember that they will somehow make money off of it whether they understand it or not, and for some people, that's the only pleasure they will ever know.
27) I am a gentle bunny and like being a gentle bunny. You couldn't *pay* me to be one of those freaking, blood-gargling wolves in management.
-Quintessentially Anonymous.. and staying that way, thank you
[The first part of each paragraph is verbatim from "I am a gentle bunny,"
by boojum the brown bunny; try http://furry.de/miavir/quotes-boojum.html for
the original. Applying it to American Corporate life was not at all difficult.]
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