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Moderator:
"Welcome to the presidential debate for the year 3000. This year's
contenders for the presidential race are Han Solo and the
captain du jour of the Deathstar. Third-party candidates
Luke Skywalker and Jabba the Hut have been excluded from the debate.

   Current poll numbers are: 
     Deathstar captain: 47%  
              Han Solo: 46% 
        Luke Skywalker:  5% 
         Jabba the Hut:  1%" 


HS: "The captain will blow up your planet." 
DC: "You're just trying to scare people. Trust me." 
HS: "It's in your plan! 'January 2, 3000: destroy planet Epsilon  
     Iridani IV.'" 
DC: "No it's not." 
HS: "It's on your hyperweb! Just go and look! And it says 'Appoint  
     Darth Vader to Supreme Court.'" 
DC: "No it doesn't. You're just trying to scare people. Trust me." 
HS: "Also in your plan, it says you're going to give young people a  
     thousand credits a year retirement benefit. Where is the money  
     coming from?" 
DC: "Moderator, he's asking me questions I can't answer. That's not  
     fair! (Whine! Whine!)" 
HS: "A thousand credits a year for 42 trillion young people in the  
     galaxy ... that's 42 quadrillion credits a year." 
DC: "That's fuzzy math. I'm beginning to believe Han Solo invented  
     mathematics."  
HS: "You're promising a vapor thousand, and I've got fuzzy math?" 
DC: "I'm glad you admit to it. I should also point out that ten cycles  
     ago you made a mistake while dividing up a dinner tab. I expect  
     my Deathstar support team to harp on that incessantly for several  
     weeks." 
HS: "Yes, that was an error, and I'm sorry about that." 
DC: "I think that shows a pattern. We need to bring honesty back to the  
     presidency." 
HS: "You're the captain of the *Deathstar*!" 
DC: "And proud of it! The crew of the Deathstar gave me their trust  
     to lead them on our missions of medical mercy." 
HS: "I think we can find a better means of distributing medical  
     assistance than the *Deathstar*!" 
DC: "Clearly, my opponent wants to unleash hordes of government  
     bureaucrats." 
HS: "Let's see, government bureaucrats ... Deathstar bureaucrats ... 
     government bureaucrats ... Deathstar bureaucrats ... I can see how 
     you would prefer the latter." 
DC: "I'm glad you agree. We need to move decision-making out of Earth,  
     and closer to the people. The Deathstar can get very close." 
HS: "I was being sarcastic." 
DC: "Is that one of those high-school debating tricks?" 
HS: "Um, let's move on. Your environmental record as captain of the  
     Deathstar is abhorrent." 
DC: "No it's not. You're just trying to scare people." 
HS: "You destroy whole planets! How could you have a worse environmental  
     record than that?" 
DC: "You can cite all the 'facts' and 'figures' you want. I stand by my 
     environmental record as captain of the Deathstar." 
HS: "If I'm elected president, I'll sign a bill outlawing the Deathstar  
     as my first act." 
DC: "That's the difference between my opponent and me. He trusts the  
     government. I trust you." 
HS: "I trust the galaxy's people. I just don't trust the Deathstar." 

Moderator: "And now for concluding remarks..." 

HS: "My opponent is a smiling moron with a plan for galactic pillage  
     that he doesn't even understand. What kind of idiots would vote  
     for him?" 
DC: "We need to avoid the partisanship of the past. Vote a straight  
     Deathstar ticket." 

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