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I recently sent this memo to our engineering department at the hospital:

>Our toilet sear in the employees lounge slids WEST everytime you sit down.
>WEST is confirmed by Dr. Schug. Thank-you, Ruth, ER.

This was their reply:

>To: Dr. Schug and the ER staff
>From: Bill Phillips, Plant Operations
>Date:March 23,1999
>Re: Toilet Seat Reply.....

Based on your configurations,we determined that the toilet seat was sliding actully 130 degrees S.E. magnetic with an elevation beam of 15 degrees. Bsaed on the rotation of the earth and the earth tilt on axis, we determined the correct solution/adjustment to the toilet seat and made the corrections needed. We tested the pitch and thrust of all bodily functions and determined that you will hit dead center of the bowl every time.

If requested, we could install a GPS system to track any slight movement (bowel or otherwise) for your sitting pleasures. Please do not hesitate to call if questions.

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