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This appeared in alt.fan.dave_barry--I've edited out everything except the main post (written by Mike "Remington" Steele) and the brief few lines he replied to which set it up.--Eric

Written by: Mike Steele <mesteele@earthlink.net>

Christan Keck Wrote:
> Geez, I totally forgot. I am still wandering around in a haze of
> sawdust, little wooden bits, cardboard boxes, tiny yellow post-it
> memos with strange things written on them like "36X18bath NO
> HANDLES type B" and "buy GOOP and HOOKS!!!!!!"

Woah... I can't come over if there's going to be people freely using yellow Post-It[tm] notes at the party. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that responsible adults should not be allowed to occasionally recreationally use Post-It notes at parties. But I'm a recovering Post-It note addict, and for my own good, I try not to be in the same room with those things, because the temptation to join in would be too much and I might relapse.

It all started in grad school. I was overworked and constantly stressed out, and always forgetting things. During a study break one evening, a friend of mine offered me a little, square, yellow Post-It note, telling me that it might help me stay more alert. I tried it that night by writing a note to remind myself to drop off my students' homework assignments at the grader's office, and sure enough, I did feel more relaxed, knowing that I didn't have to keep that little piece of info in my brain anymore. At the time, I thought, hey, I'll just use it one time. That can't hurt me, right?

Wrong. Soon, I was using at least one Post-It note a day, sometimes two. My friend showed me where you could get Post-It notes at any time of the day or night from the department supply cabinet. My friends and I were "writing notes to ourselves" every evening. You would think that the school would have noticed the supply cabinet's dwindling supply of Post-It notes and would have intervened, but they didn't. Actually, I suspect that they were intentionally looking the other way, figuring that our use of Post-Its, while perhaps harmful to us in the long run, was helping us grad students do more research and grade more papers in the short run. By final exam week, I was up to a pack a day.

Somehow, through the haze of my growing addiction, I managed to graduate and get my first job. After graduation, the now-regular after-dinner Post-It usage became all night Post-It note binges. My buddies and I would go down to Office Depot and each buy a couple packs of notes and use them all up by morning. We started experimenting with big ones, small ones, and even lots of different colors. I was into these blue 3x5 ones for a long time, and my friend who got me hooked was using these rainbow colored ones with ruled lines on them. Strong stuff. We were all in too deep, but didn't notice or didn't care.

Until it all came crumbling down. In addition to the all-night binges, I was doing a pack a day just between the hours of 9 to 5, stealing Post-It notes at work from the supply cabinet in the mail room. They were starting to impair my vision: I had so many of the little notes stuck to my monitor at work, I could barely see the screen anymore. And at home too. There were yellow stains on the walls of my apartment from all the Post-It reminders I had stuck there, and stains on the carpet from the ones I dropped on the floor. I was so consumed by my Post-It note addiction, that I was barely even functioning as a human being anymore.

Fortunately, one of my co-workers anonymously turned me in to management, and my division director put me on administrative leave and forced me to start counseling. My parents came and checked me into the Spiro T. Agnew Office Supply Addiction Clinic in rural Maryland, and for 8 weeks I had to go without my beloved Post-It notes cold turkey. We had daily counseling sessions, where the other patients and I discussed our physical and emotional dependence on various office supplies. It was rough, but the counselors helped me fight through my addiction once I admitted to myself that I had a problem. And as shocking as my story was, there were other people there far worse off than me. Like this one guy who had a problem with highlighting every word in every book, magazine, or newspaper article he read. Even the page numbers. He couldn't even make the distinction between what was important and what wasn't anymore. And in a way, I guess I couldn't make that distinction either. I had put my Post-It note usage before my job, my family, and my friends.

But after my treatment, I walked out of the clinic on my own two feet, and re-entered society free from the addiction that had plagued me since grad school. I saw the world in a new, clearer light, and I loved it. I now have a new job and new friends here in AFDB. I feel like I've been given a clean slate and a fresh start. Now that I'm free from the demon Post-It notes, I help my community by visiting elementary schools and teaching the kids there that Post-It notes are for responsible adults, and that they should just say no if someone offers them one. Every once in a while when I'm at a school, I see a kid on the playground with a pack of Post-It notes decorated with Garfield, Hello Kitty, or other cartoon characters, and it saddens me. It will probably take a lawsuit or congressional action before 3M stops marketing Post-Its to our nation's children. Write to your Senator!

So anyway, remember to use office supplies responsibly and safely, and if you have a problem or think you have a friend with a problem, don't be afraid to get help for yourself or your friend.

--"Hi, my name is Mike, and I used to be a Post-It note addict"

[Note - reprinted by permission of Mike Steele. My thanks to him - ed.]

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