PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - Jubilation turned to horror at the Republican National Convention last night when 20,000 screaming, howling baboons were dropped on the stunned crowd. At the conclusion of George W. Bush's acceptance speech, confetti, flags, and baboons were released. The baboons' fur was dyed in hideously festive shades of red, white and blue.

Site manager Andrew White remarked that "it was our intention to drop balloons on the delegates, not baboons. We are really heartsick about this."

"I didn't mind the screaming, but the biting got tiresome after a while," said Darlene Peters, delegate from Louisiana. "But enough about the delegates from Texas--let's talk about them monkeys," she joked as she was being wheeled out to the makeshift triage tent set up in the parking lot of the nearby 21-plex.

Most of the animals and some of the delegates had to be destroyed. "Order was restored," White continued, "when all the delegates took out their handguns and opened up on the animals."

A preliminary investigation has speculated that a single misspelled word ("baloon") on the order sheet for the convention was auto-corrected by Microsoft Word to "baboon." "Ten years from now, the survivors will just look back and laugh," asserted White.

"All during the convention," remarked Virginia's Charles Meade, "we were hearing howling. We thought it was just the excitement in the air. This also explains the stench."

The cleanup continues today.